I stopped in my tracks as soon as I saw her, waiting for her to breathe. You were unusually alert. By the time my sister Erin and our cousins Christa and Michael came along, she was older and had suffered the loss of my gentle grandfather, Hideo Sugiyama. She was always and forever an influencer. My grandmother spent one winter living on potatoes, taking shelter in a tent. Grandpa would say: Grandma, no singing at the table. And then it would happen again. Registration on or use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement, Privacy Policy and Cookie Statement, and Your California Privacy Rights (each updated 1/1/20). My husband and I arranged a sitter to stay home with our younger two kids, then picked up our older two from school and left Minneapolis our funeral clothes in tow that afternoon. I want them to know I had a Grandma Pauline, who filled me with enough love to pass on a gift like that to all of them. Candid conversation about grief. I write my mother's eulogy every single week. The other 80 percent of preventing Alzheimer's is well within our control, based on how well we eat, how often we exercise, how much stimulation we give our mind and how socially active and spiritually replenished we keep ourselves. Your father touched my soul like no one ever has. I hated watching her unconscious, struggling to breathe and seeing her body succumb a little more each day to dehydration. As a beneficiary of that love and of Grandmas legacy, I am grateful. When I was first asked to share a few words in honor of my grandmother, I was tempted to wind back the clock about ten years. I think it was a chapter of her life that she wanted to forget and erase as much as possible. What a life she had and what a blessing she was to you and you to her. Jag har aldrig slutat att grta fr allt han har gtt misste om. When I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish about the imminent loss of my mother and her father, I had no idea that my mothers battle with Alzheimers disease would end just 8 days later.. Death after Alzheimers disease. [], [] didnt really get to know Karen until after my mom passed in June 2013. I didnt know I would say goodbye to my mother eight days after I wrote Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish. what do restaurateurs do when they're not working? And I can attest that one of the last memories my mother shared with me consisted of her as a child, sledding down a hill, excited to reach her mothers outstretched arms at the bottom. 5 Things to Do Before Visiting a Psychic Medium, 10 Ways to Overcome Grief-Related Anxiety, The 9 Things No One Tells You About Scattering Ashes, The Movement to Bring Death Closer [NYT Magazine], He Met George Floyd in Sixth Grade. And am thinking of how to write my eulogy too. She was an expert in Japanese flower arranging and traveled with a bolt cutter and hatchet which she used to glean good specimens for her arrangements. Her life was not easy and I think to be a mother fighting for your familys survival is difficult for your immediate relationships; but even after all that hardship and strife, there was enough softness left inside to give to her granddaughter. Wish I could have been there at the funeral. The Riparian Times is a boutique publication with musings about life, travel, fashion and art. Vincent OKeefe is a writer and stay-at-home father with a Ph.D. in American literature. [], [] This Sunday will bemy second Mothers Day since my mother died. Before my grandma died, Id get a hardened, stoic sensation when Id think about her. Love for Christ. May her soul rest in peace Amen. And so on this day, as we honor Pat Thunes life and legacy, I find myself thankful for and challenged by her cheerful optimism, her sanctified pride, and her genuine love for Christ. Filed Under: death, growing up, memories Tagged With: Aging, Alzheimer's, life lessons. That morning, however, my grandfather regained full consciousness. When my grandmother died two weeks ago, I was asked to share a short eulogy at the memorial service. I know what I've found out so far has made a huge difference in my own life. I never heard a word of bitterness or complaint from her. If you want to chat, I am here. Maybe some short stories. We can reduce our risk to a far greater degree than most Americans realize or act upon. I was reading Anne of Green Gables for the first time, and Grandma allowed me to chatter to her nonstop about this landmark book which she hadnt read. Tweets by @ModernLoss She showed me patience. There are no lessons about 'The Art of Mothering' we can only do our best and hope that we do it well. As a young woman, she came to Vancouver, to attend sewing school. Grandma never heard my dad preach a mediocre sermon; she never watched a ball game in which her kids or grandkids werent the most valuable player; and she never understood why John didnt get 100% of the vote in every election. Queer cripple with a PhD. I recently lost my mother to Alzheimers. As the minister read my brothers poem, I realized the roses embodied his words and our mother. Clara Sent from my iPhone. We're so glad you're here. I think that it would have been easy to sink into depression after the internment, or to be consumed with resentment and bitterness. That tells me the depths of her distress about her experience. Did I really need to get attached and then lose my stepmom to colon [], [] Before I had babies, the last diaper I changed was my mothers. The loss of my Grandad a few years ago hit me harder that I expected, I wasnt able to read anything at the funeral. One year at a family event, my siblings and I started reminiscing about this practice. I was lucky enough to be the only grandchild with whom she had a close relationship. She was perpetually cheerful, joyful, and sunny. Your email address will not be published. I couldnt tell anyone not at Christmas. All rights reserved. And in her later years, when the more complex aspects of her personality had faded, her joyful faith in Jesus remained. He took a turn for the worse last Monday, after falling the previous Friday, and was struggling to breath and swallow and in a state of delirium and agitation for several days. They stayed in business until 1973, when Grandpas health forced his retirement. She had dementia and wasnt really enjoying life. Growing up as a kid with that kind of a grandmother had a way of bestowing confidence, self-worth, and a sense of rootedness. Shed tell me how smart he was and how much he would have loved me, but I couldnt get her to say anything of substance. You should write more about her. The next day, Saturday, June 22, 2013, I walked into her room with my dad. By Cynthia Rodriguez in My Loss, Personal Essays. I finally found peace after Alzheimers disease. It was vibrant and living and worshipful. Seattle & Leeds. Eulogy for Ellen, My Mother. When I was 9 our family took a trip to Hawaii and Grandma came along. (You take the good, you take the bad.) When I tell people that Grandma Pauline died last year at the age 96, the response is almost always some permutation of You were blessed to have her for so long. That is true in the technical sense. I mean the good kind a sanctified pride in her family. When we got word en route that she had died, my husband had to keep assuring the kids that I was okay. I had no idea the next time I saw you, you would be unconscious on your deathbed. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing A Loved One. It's something I wasn't able to do for my mother. Now go home and take care of your babies. I hope we always remember her strength and fortitude, her love of beauty and her keen aesthetic sense, her kindness and love for her family. We were all sitting around the table and Grandma kept breaking into song the same song over and over again. Archives With the outbreak of war with Japan, like others in the Japanese Canadian community she was sent with her father, her mother and her younger brother Sid, to a prison camp for the duration of the war. One of her lungs had failed and she was no longer conscious. Beauty wordings and a few random tangents! When you ask Americans over the age of 60 what health threat they fear the most, overwhelmingly they say Alzheimer's. Beautiful. It has been a difficult summer for my grandparents. Two Pleasers In A Relationship, The good memories, the meaningful memories that we have of Pat are of her younger, more vivacious years. We visited her in hospital and I showed her pictures of my familys trip there in October and she reminisced about her last trip. Tags: Dementia, Grandparent Loss, It's Complicated Eulogy for a Grandmother I'm not sure how you begin to talk about a life that spanned nearly a centurya woman whose time included half a dozen wars, The Great Depression, and 17 different presidents. : A Preschoolers Guide to Losing a Loved One, Where Did My Sweet Grandpa Go? Ive been in a bit of a shocked state because I think I believed she was eternal, even though she was 94 and getting frailer each time I saw her. She told the same stories over and over, and as time went on closer and closer together. Is she dead? I asked, in disbelief, but I knew the answer. Tagged as eulogy, Japanese Canadian internment, What a stunning and moving tribute to your grandmother. Russell wheeled you outside for some fresh air and sunshine, and you smiled and tried to speak to me several times. I was looking for details I could use for the eulogy Id need to deliver two days later, but I also wanted to melt the feelings about her Id frozen since shed started becoming a different person. Design by Bethany Beams, Some Stars Shine: Happy Birthday, Baby Brother, Music in Memory: Country Gospel Funeral Songs , Keep Me In Your Heart: A Fathers Day Wish, Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process, Memorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie Stucky, Knesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook, Where Did My Sweet Grandma Go? I would even say theres such a thing as nave optimism. We had a very different Christmas this year and I havent been able to post anything, despite having read many books. I certainly will. Two years ago, Harold and Pat came to my church for the first time ever. By Nina Badzin. I believe that if the information is readily available, and consistently reinforced, it's possible to get through to people and to change behavior. m_gallery_blog_id = "8001122"; I write this column every week, because right now, information is really all we have to protect ourselves against Alzheimer's disease. 3. From Lillooet she moved with her family to Kamloops, where she met my grandfather, and they married in 1944. Because while the most meaningful memories of Grandma are those from days long past, the most accurate memories the ones that most clearly reveal her true character are the most recent ones. Mothers Day is a difficult time for my grandma and myself, since losing my mom to early onset Alzheimers disease four years ago. Music played an important role in my journey through my mothers illness. By some miracle, this visit included an unusual bright spot of lucidity. [], [] That night, a great peace washed over me. I remember crying as I sat next to her, holding her hand. Grandmas love for the Lord Jesus was never personal or private, as many in our modern liberal culture would like to keep it. She fixed my hair with gentle hands. So to me, she was an indulgent and fond grandmother. Like so many previous visits, I wanted so desperately to know what you were saying, thinking, seeing. Hi Lea, She's her old self again, happy and vibrant and sharp as a whip. []. Dementia stole my grandmother long ago, leaving me to mourn her all over again when she died years later. In Grandmas case, this was Lillooet. I expected the agonizing wait to continue. Nina and Grandma Pauline During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. But I didnt ask, and she couldnt really answer anyway. I cant remember a single time I was around her when she wasnt encouraging, exhorting, or urging me and others toward faith and obedience to Christ. But of course, this isn't about history. In 1915, her mother came to Canada as a picture bride. Her usual way of greeting me these past few years has been to look at Harold and say, Well, look at this handsome young man is he one of us? That morning after church, Grandma looked at me and said, You keep preaching the word, young man. Im still not sure if she knew who I was but she knew who Jesus was, and she recognized his Word when she heard it. (When I saw her again, she was unconscious in the days before her passing.) Canny Geordie Meaning, And now that I can only reach back through the memories, I promise to share the best ones I have with my children and, God-willing, with my grandchildren and great-grandchildren. The reason is that my mother's mother, my Grandma Sugiyama, passed away on Christmas Eve. 'http':'https';if(!d.getElementById(id)){js=d.createElement(s);js.id=id;js.src=p+"://platform.twitter.com/widgets.js";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js,fjs);}}(document,"script","twitter-wjs"); Privacy Policy Terms of Service RSS Feed Contact Us Donate, 2013-2022 Modern LossTM, LLC. He was able to swallow (pureed foods) again and was talking to all of us and even telling jokes. Search for: Recent Posts. For those of you who dont know me, my given name is Robert Harold Thune or Bobby, as my grandmother called me for my entire life. After grandpa died, Grandma began to travel and explore the world. But people dont quite know how to mourn someone whos still technically alive. Saying goodbye to my mother. Lauren Flake is a wife, girl mom, native Austinite, seventh generation Texan, artist, author, and Alzheimer's daughter. She had a sense of the ridiculous and was always ready to laugh over anything silly. She's gone. She taught me a Japanese childrens song; although I couldnt understand the words, I loved singing with her. Just five weeks after my mothers passing, my 90-year-old grandfather fell and broke one of the vertebrae in his neck. Pride. Read more about Lauren. He has continued to improve and was out of bed and walking today! It was during that drive that I filled pages with notes about my childhood memories of her. Grandma's faith was never religious, dutiful, or pious. When confronted with the question of why, Mom laughed and said: I dont know. Required fields are marked *. Ive edited it a bit because I wrote it to read out: My grandmother, Susan Sugiyama, was a woman I would like to honor today with my memories of her. A lovely heartfelt story, that just goes to show how everyones life is fascinating. Then we held a graveside service later that day at Sealy Cemetery in Sealy, Texas. But if she lost them, then I can only hope that she lost, too, the bitter memories of wartime and the hard years of struggle afterwards. Then the war. As everyone took stock of our familys past, I learned a surprising lesson: Memories borne through touch, taste, sound travel well. My grief for her really for myself is making me so tired. She looked after me a lot when I was young and my mother was establishing her career; I have very fond memories of the time I spent with her. Even though she was not physically demonstrative, we shared hugs and held hands when we walked around Honolulu. In many ways the community was destroyed; we dispersed to all parts of Canada, many reluctant to return to the coast where they felt betrayed by their neighbours. We hosted a memorial service at Western Hills Church of Christ in Austin, Texas. The glass was always half full. During the night on the 23rd of December she suffered a stroke that left her non-responsive on the 24th, and that afternoon she died. She taught me how to wash rice for cooking; she told me that every grain lost was a day lost from my life! I wish we had taken a picture of the three of us that day. Thank you so much Pastor Bob. I still dream about her often. I put everything I could into the eulogy and really hoped to convey a sense of her life and character. Because there were so many of us, we grew up in a noisy family. If you ask my four kids about their memory of Grandma, theyll likely talk about Thanksgiving 2 years ago. He told me later that he told her we would all be okay. They worked hard and their daughters had good educations. Again, a sensory memory of security became the most indelible legacy of a loving parent. Heres a transcript of what I said instead. Thank you. They said their final goodbye to their only child after watching her struggle with Alzheimers disease for more than 10 years. Keep living your life. How lovely that you had such a long relationship with her and she was able to pass on so much of herself to other generations. Find NJ.com on Facebook. Grandma was born in 1919, in Steveston. My most emotional moment was holding my phone up to her ear so my grandfather could say goodbye to his only child. But then I realized that winding back the clock would be exactly the wrong thing to do on a day like this. Get to Chicago right away, they told me. In March, I wrote in Slow Motion: The Alzheimers Grieving Process: Alzheimers disease creates such a bizarre and unfair grieving process for families. Do you know youre precious? she would ask during every outing together. Loved reading about how she passed Japanese culture to you. She kept ikura, which is salmon roe, in Imperial margarine tubs and made me special meals. What a beautiful piece of writing and a wonderful tribute to an obviously amazing person. I am the oldest of Harold and Pat Thunes 13 grandchildren, and it is a privilege for me to represent them today by offering a few reflections on Pats life. That is how we will always remember her. There was no high school in Deep Bay, so Grandma finished school at 13 and began to help her family on the fishing boat, in the cannery, and also working berry picking and farming. You Might Have the Better Claim But I Have the Bigger Army. I believe wherever she is now she will be smiling reading this about her self. I Met My Fianc in a Modern Loss Support Group, By Shelby Forsythia in My Loss, Personal Essays. I had deja vu from watching my mother in her final days and months of Alzheimers disease. [NBC News], We Cant Comprehend This Much Sorrow [NY Times], The Familial Language of Black Grief [The Atlantic]. I remember staring at the casket spray, made by my amazing friend Terri, through much of the memorial service. I just read the eulogy. Share on Pinterest. On New Years Day she would make a special meal for everyone, with futomaki and the inevitable chow mein that is de rigeur at every Japanese Canadian family meal. Her family was drastically set back by the confiscation of all their property. I was desperate to be wild in grief and my coke-snorting bestie was my ticket to fun. When Id ask about my grandfather, Norman, who died in his late 50s in a plane crash on his way to Japan, shed remind me that I was named after him. She was delicate and wild., Memorial Service Packet Dixie StuckyMemorial Service Packet Insert Page Dixie StuckyKnesek Funeral Home Obituary and Guestbook. But Im fairly sure Grandma Pat would disagree. Now He's Grieving Alongside Millions. For years. You Are Only as Good as the People You Surround Yourself With, By Jamie Kolnick in My Loss, Personal Essays. 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