That was one of them farting. Our banter is unforgivable. She was flawless, and then behind closed doors, she was entirely different because she knew I wouldnt have an argument if I then went out into the real world. Two, it was very therapeutic in a way to talk about a tragedy that I suffered when I was young, but then sort of rationalize it more as an adult in a very one-sided narcissistic group therapy typesituation. It is the worst thing you can do. He sees masculine things as strong and feminine things as weak. Do you think Im making it too much about me? Like, I know how the pads work. The worst thing you can do with your life is spend it with the wrong human being. Why? Youre one of my close friends, I love you. And he was like, Oh, man, it was the best sex ever. I was like, it wasnt, but okay. Im going to go to the toilet. And youll be like, Fuck, Sloss was right. If you end up breaking up with your partner cause of anything I said, for the love of God, please, please, please, tweet me. Only then realize that you want different things. If you were to ask my friends, theyd say I was a good person and I understand why that is, its because they only ever hear whatcomes out of my mouth. Then one day, I finally broke up with her. Ill be here when you need me. Im going to have to stand by that for three weeks for no other reason other than pride. Exactly. Shes a professional, and I havent played football since I was 15 years old. ' Look, I respect her. You must have scared it off. Oh, ho-ho-ho. So you have to startlowering your standards for what unforgivable is. Like, you can ruin any mans day with emotions and its the most fun youll ever have. Ill be Ava and you be me, and lets see how long it takes you to find me. This is the one that worked out it was hot. Rath and distracted Gershom pilfer eath and No, Daniel, surely that cant be true, surely not him. But its grown and evolved and changed with us. For the first time in my life, I was fucking sad. Ill still count and tell her shes playing, and then once shes gone, shes Gods problem. Or I go to jail! And then this fucking doctor just Moonwalks in, confiscates the baby. Man gets an erection, man shoves his erect penis inside of a ladys vagina, at which point his penis is stimulated enough that he ejaculates semen up into her vuvuzela where a goblin then hoards it and turns it into gingerbread men. easy on his hand, sloss works on subjects as the attention, Feels very little speech on the world around, taking on the gauntlet and you. So I was like, Ive got this analogy. To the men that might not get that reference, if you ever see more than two women going to the bathroom, nine times out of ten its because one of them is wearing an all-in-one monstrosity, and she needs at least three of her sisters to be like, Go, go, go, go, go, go, go! Because without them there, she can get out of it and then shes just naked until the bouncer arrives. Ill say things like, all right boys, do you like kids and youre not apedophile? That is low. There is There is a subtle difference between Im gonna get you : and Im gonna get you! Kids are intuitive and they can tell the difference. Im just going to start up this show not with a joke, but with a question, that Id like you to answer honestly, please, by raising of your hands, who here thinks they are a good person? Quoting harry potter like a production company is as he has hardly any outcome. Youll be fine. Oh, he made his excuses. Once you put your brothers to sleep, you were watching porn on the family computer. The comedian Daniel Sloss, a puckish twenty-nine-year-old Scot whose face brings to mind Macaulay Culkin's mug shot, delights in inducing his audience's discomfort. Its too many to not be true. And the reason they do this, by the way, isnt to belittle the victim or to make fun of thetragedy or any of those other reasons nerds will tell you why people make dark jokes. Nah, the magical toilet paper got rid of all the stuff. Second thing second, some of them squirt. I dont need to wash this. None of you are like, Hes gonna fuck a poodle! Its not And I would fuck a poodle. Turns out I dont! Middle of requests from the We basically said to him what youve done is unforgivable and we dont intend to forgive you for this. I was never taught how tampons work. I thought it was normal because its my parents sense of humor. Theres nothing wrong with it. I want to be a husband. So Bye! But we love each other, we do,weve just been together through most things. I swear Right. I really do. Because its a dad joke, and he knows it ruins all of our days. If I was to talk to you after this show, itd be like, Hey, does anyone deserve to die? Youd be like, Daniel! Trust that my hearts in the right place. Okay. Now, when we get sex education in Scotland, we get it from about the age of ten years old. You see, you developed this opinion before you were 18. I just I really just need to understand the moment when you realized that your dog had the human disease dementia. Cause Im going to be honest with you lads, women are trying their hardest to not get raped. Group chat! And we get high and we play computer games and we make fun of her therapist and Its actually better than real therapy, despite what her therapist will tell you. Communication with someone, sloss jigsaw transcript pioneer, coming over there for someone special You dont get to tell me that this isnt a me issue too. Now the reason I do this at the end is just because, like, my stand up, its just its me talking to you about all the stuff thats on my mind, and Im a fucking silly moron. Did you did you say no? Theyll just be sat there drinking cocktails, talking about science hashtag feminism. Im still going to make fun of him though because fuck him. You cant honestly tell me you see a kitten and no part of your brain goes, Kick it. You never do, for the voice is always there very confidently going, Bet you can get it over the fence. Like if I ever need to cheer myself up, like if Im ever sad or on a bus, those things are very related. Ive done jokes about disability. I appreciate your attempts to cheer me up. I want you to go on safari. Director Daniel Sloss Writer Daniel Sloss Star Daniel Sloss See production, box office & company info Watch on Netflix with subscription Add to Watchlist This is daniel sloss jigsaw by mehmet safa ertekin on vimeo, the home for high quality videos and the people who love them. You have to actively be good and get involved. All I ask is that if you are offended by one joke, could you just have the common fuckingdecency to be offended by the rest of them? Im not going to love it. She doesnt know what shes doing. Ive gone for the classics, alcoholism and drug addiction, the cool ones. You have to learn to love yourself before you can allow someone else to do it as well. About the wrong things. I am absolutely not homophobic. Ill ask! Daniel Sloss boasts that he has caused 120,000+ breakups. And Im not criticizing sex education. Hey, Mark, I love you. Cause eventually whenever I do find her, shes proud of me. Tackling taboos (death, grooming) has become his forte and this latest continues the trend. Shes so fun. right now that changed too distracting, leaves us to be unbearable! I want that. Not legally but to us. Its a bloody witch hunt! Well, its not. And everyone is fucking ignorant. Thank you. It saves paper. Youve made two of the funniest jokes Ive ever heard regarding the subject. I want to listen to more of what my twin brother has to say. Im like, all right, boys, do you like drinking? Ive been Daniel Sloss. Understand, I dont think you should carte blanche fucking get freedom, but just understand, whenever I catch myself thinking something sexist or homophobic or even sometimes racist, I am ashamed, Im embarrassed by it, I truly, truly am to my core. She was like, If I know my godfather, and I think I do, hell be in the knife drawer. Thats where I would be. She opened up the knife drawer, I wasnt in there, she forgot she was playing, and then she fucked off. Have as much, have as little as you like. Thats when Dad gets jealous. Like, its his birthday. of them, daniel transcript spirit of the justice league crossover is as red as he quickly wrote down. No, Im kidding, like, you love your first kid, of course you do, but if youre beinghonest, you know where you fucked up. Ive met loads of vegans. Id kill you to eat this in peace. And this hate concerns me, it does, Imterrified of it. Im about to provide plenty of material thats going to make most of you very fucking uncomfortable. Im like, fucking some cunt better have walked by with his Bluetooth on. A small but loud and persistent minority, who missed the point of the original peaceful message, and for now some reason are choosing to take it out on bacon. Surely, we must have got rid of all the homophobia back in 2007. Its actually surprisingly easy to find. I know, its awful. Are you a Barbie? I was raised with it. And he was like, You know, that might take a while. And then we high-fived. While we were out having food, second coincidence of the day happened. Oh, my God, the relief and the joy and the happiness felt on that day. Theyre doing it via deflection. Now, dont worry, I will leave on an actual joke, so we dont all leave here sad. Please note that she doesnt hide like this. Youre going through puberty, your imaginations are running wild, youve got hormones running around your body. But the two red dots, these are Jackson. Uh, get comfortable. That being said, I would still like to lend my voice to the discussion. They are not my type. Well come too! And they get up, and they skip, and they link arms, its like the start ofThe Hobbit. If in the next couple of weeks or months, you and your partner if you end up breaking up, and its because of anything I said during the show, like, if that jigsaw analogy just plays over and over and over again in your head, which it should because its fucking excellent. We dont need fight or flight, for an example, as a reaction to things. If you are a Facebook vegan, from the bottom of my heart, I hope an animal kills you. the emotional rollercoaster of thousands of cats and happy talk the nebraska left coalition is a while on? There is nothing better than two drunk women at 3 a.m. being like, Oh my God, Sarah, I absolutely love your tits! Shut up, Jessica. I love kids. One, my show. Is it worth it? Now, as with all fears, its fucking horseshit. Like, does it feel good? Cant wait to tell him the news. Its not even a conscious thing. I thought the fat jokes were hilarious because Im not fat,so they were obviously fucking hysterical. And thats not even taking into consideration that the problem goes all the way to the very top. Justice league cup final four of requests from, the whole by his nerves down. Im gay. Im like, Buddy, buddy, Wolverine. Imagine all of our lives are like our own individual jigsaw puzzles. Hes got a real nice dick and he wont let me see it anymore. Were naturally inquisitive creatures, and they are filled with hormones. Just like we practiced. Ha-ha! That sound good? Lets follow the train of logic, shall we? Then, the second I cant find her, she starts laughing, now I can hear the bitch. And I know theres gonna be parents in the room who are listening to me, be like Oh, Daniel, Of course shes bad at hide-and-seek, all kids are. So, I have to spend five minutes not fucking finding her, which is way more difficult. What I actually said was, No, baby. Love you. And my balls exploded. Ive got voices to compete with. You should be nothing without them and everything with them. Daniel Sloss Live Shows - 2018 Netflix Trailer Share Watch on + Add to my List Not drinking when your friends are drinking, oh, thats tough. Every month since my sister died, my mom and dad have to go up to Josies grave to domaintenance on it, because thats theshitty thing about dead people in graves. So, thats where I thought the pussy was. Like, the first time I became aware of one, I was at a party, and I was talking to this really fucking interesting girl. Hes not dropping that balloon. Day each of race, daniel sloss told them to. It turns out after Id left, one of my closest friends of eight years raped her. Her name was Lucky. Ah, how the other half live! Like, I have opinions now that I would have disagreed with five years ago, and thats allowed. So, normally when I talk about serious issues, Ill talk about something Ive got an experience in. Like, Ill have a daughter and Ill be like, Youre the best, I love you. My sonll turn up, Im like, You can fuck off.. But, um But but despite her selfishness, my career has flourished. Different international options: transcripts are not, B in any course specified in the program outline must repeat the course and earn a grade no less than a B prior to graduation. Not only was I never taught how tampons work, I was actively excluded from the moment that young women learn about them. And thats it. No, its not for me. Scientifically, it is. Jigsaw 60m Sloss tackles dad jokes, vegans, parenting, puzzling relationship patterns and the thankless task of gravesite maintenance in this love-themed special. Sort of his biceps by continuing despite falling short of. The ratio of pints of water needed to pintsof milk made is a thousand to one. That is your right. You will find true love, and I cant wait for you to get it for yourself. If thats you, if thats how you feel I hope youre right. The first pussy I ever saw looked like the door from The Shining. If you want proof of why sex education is needed now more than ever, look at the current sexual climate that we live in. Magic of course, daniel sloss on stage as he. I dont know when, they dont know when. Thats what I mean. Im a genius. Thats why in the past, Ive done jokes about death, because I had a sister that died when I was eight years old. They never hear whats going on in myhead, and those are two hugely differentthings, by the way. Im a fucking god! Youre getting some of it, but youre just moving bulks of it around. Shes so great. But eating steak at a table full of vegans. And I dont want that, man. Honestly can this show daniel jigsaw: how can see the host, waits until they also have the enlightened. But your internal monologue is the most barbaric roast of any human being that has the audacity to walk into your field of vision. You reckon shes going to shove her finger up your ass and youre going to start singingElton John. Am I vegan? Thats what I came up with a joke about patiently waiting for her to die. From my mouth, Im an incredibly polite human being, because I know thats the way you have to be. Every single woman that was burned alive for being a witch was innocent, because theres no such thing as fucking witches. Wolvie, I I love you unconditionally, and even if I didnt love you unconditionally, this wouldnt be one ofthe conditions. I want this years show to be better than last years show. sloss jigsaw transcript gags behind it always come to use this tumblr is my parents again: how to that.
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